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| _Nearly 8 weeks behind us, nearly 8 weeks to go. How much there seems to be I would like to have done by now, & how much more I hope to be able to do in this second half.
_For some of us, our lives are a fifth over, others a fourth, others a third, even others half, and some maybe less than half.
_So much has happened these past few years, even more in the span of my twenty-two years. Maybe I have lived a fifth of my life, or maybe my life is more than half behind me. Truly I say to you, there are many things I want to do in this mist-like life, but there is only one thing I want to accomplish.
_Has my life been defined by what I fancy to do, or the main purpose of life {to bring glory to God in [all] things}? I examine my check book, my time use, and my motivations in hopes that the HS may reveal where I am denying my LORD.
_If I claim to myself and my friends God is my all, does my integrity claim the same? Or do I make Him out to be a liar?
_may we not honor God with our lips while our hearts are far from him; may we ever-evaluate ourselves that we may truly live what we claim; &may we be unashamed to live raw, open, & honest lives.
//Press in:: for Jesus is the way
//Press on:: for the time is short & the present form of this world is passing away | | |
| i dream that one day i will regain my sight back in my left eye.
i dream that one day my sister will come to find God as her lover and Lord as i have him in my heart//a never ending pursuit
;and she will marry a man who's love&heart for God is much more than she can fathom.
i await the day i am married, *be it God's will*, to know my wife; and grow with my wife and children in Christ.
i long for the day when i see the face of God.
+but until that day, i will live for God's glory today, that one day will be today.
//i have dreams, and in those dreams i allow for the will of God(hands open, for i haven't earned or deserve anything). because when moments happen that i gain a blind spot in my left eye, God has something much grander planned in his will for his good pleasure--his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
and may we:::not become so accustomed to ease and contentment that what should be ordinary seems radical; may we be intolerant out of, and in, love and compassion, in the Love of God (not condemning but proclaiming God loves you as you are in your junk right now)
[[God demonstrates his love for you in that even when you wanted nothing to do with him, died for you {rom5.8}]]
;and may we not recline in our chairs as we watch our friends drive off the edge of a bridge that's broken. "i am confident in this: that i will see God's goodness in the land of the living{ps27.13}" | | |
| if i try to keep going about morality just so i won't feel guilty afterward or to appear as though i have things altogether, i will continue to fail.
if i put my trust in that Christ has power over all and God's kindness and love are greater than any fix of this world, then i have reason to hope.
//i believe living for my own futility is wrong, for it leaves me wanting and in despair, but how have i actually lived this out in my integrity? do i just give lip service, and offer sacrifice of firstfruits later as if it pleases God? [in this place] do i want to change
…has Christ in my life transformed me here? am i longing for God, His gospel, or myself; who am i living for; where is my heart's attention focused? do i believe God can change me, that He desires my love for Him? who's glory do i say i live for versus which glory am i actually practicing the pursuit of in my integrity? how has Christ's sacrifice led me out of this darkness?
[::where do i hold idolatry?::]
[::where is my pride?::]
[::where are my hands closed?::]
(+)O God, it is you who satisfy; it is you who fills this chasm in my soul. it is you who i am pursuing with my heart. Jesus, more of you is what i am yearning after. to waste this life for you is a life well spent.
&&
But all who are hunting for you and require you--oh, let them sing and be happy. Let those who know what you're all about tell the world you're great and not quitting. And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you've got what it takes--but God, don't put it off.
[ps40:16-17]*msg
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| if, in this hustle and bustle, i do not have structure and am always concerning myself with meeting the expectations of my superiors, those i report to, though that is important, i will easily set myself up for disaster. i should not be trying to fit pursuing God in between what work i am doing, but rather seek His face, accomplish headway on tasks at hand, and be still.
my worth must not be found in smoke, a morning mist, or leaves of grass that will be forgotten tomorrow; i am finding myself to not store things here where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but rather in eternal things that last and are not transient (this is my heart's cry for you and i).
hands full or hands empty, may we never close our hands on the blessings the LORD gives, for we might actually be so foolish as to think we earned or truly need any of this (ref*phil4:10-14).
that which is working in us is He who empowers us in our goings to further His kingdom, pushing back the darkness, according to what will bring him the most pleasure (ref*phil2:13).
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| suffering produces patience, and patience produces perseverance. you have these thoughts that course through your mind before, during, that tell, plead, show, beg you to choose the narrow [Jesus never says that the narrow is easy, but He does say that it is good]. it is good because it keeps you from putting created things over the Creator, and far more affects than you can wrap your mind around.
God i am unworthy of anything you have to give me, for my lips are unclean and my thoughts do damage to your name. why do you love me the way you do? why do you not strike me down and consume me? i know your way leads to life, which is from you, through you, and for you. would you please send someone to hold me accountable for the glory of you name. i hate this life i live of contradictions.
GOD YOU ARE IT. YOU ARE THE REASON FOR ALL THINGS. praise your name for the mercy you give us that we would choose you for your glory, not ours. our glory ends when we die, it is finite. God you are always and will always be. your glory is on tour in the skies that we may recognize you for who you are. from everlasting to everlasting is your name.
God i do not only want to flee from this desire and temptation of the flesh, but i want you to be my fill, i want you to be the desire that i have during my loneliness, for the flesh is no where to be found when i'm in need. but you hear the cry of the afflicted, you fill and last. as i fast from the flesh, LORD would you be my fill. i do not want the lust for this flesh to be my heart's desire, but GOD i need you & want you to be my heart's desire, my true love.
all glory&honor&praise be unto the LORD Almighty
foreverandever etc.
Amen
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she said that I was
the brightest little firefly
in her jar
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